Making well thought-out decisions does not take the romance out of your relationship. It signifies that you regard marriage as important and for life. There is no formula or guarantee that your choice will be 'right' but thinking and talking with each other about YOU and YOUR RELATIONSHIP is essential. Perhaps the starting point is to understand why you are contemplating marriage:

Do you feel ready for a committed intimate relationship with one other person ?

Do you need to escape from home or another situation ?

Do you feel everyone else is married and therefore you must conform ?

Do you only want children, a house, job or money ?

Do you want to replace someone else, your parents, an ex-spouse ?

Do you have to marry - because you are pregnant ?

The reasons for marrying are very different and may influence how you are looking at your partner. Does your partner fit this basic need you have at this time ? Try to be honest with yourself. The reasons for marrying are not right or wrong.

Decide on what kind of marriage you want. In making a choice, a balance between your head and your heart is important. Your heart will dictate to you how you feel about this person. Trust your inner voice, your instincts, but also become aware of your feelings. Is your love for this person only sexual or only intellectual? Are you looking at the total person? Are you able to see this person realistically, to acknowledge and accept his/her faults, or are you blinded by your passion, denying what you see because of your focussing on an imaginary future. Do you believe that you and your love will change your partner's faults? Passion and love are very important, but another ingredient is friendship. Is this person able to be your companion and friend ? Can this person like you, as well love you ? Do you feel that you are important and of value and that you can be yourself or do you have to be someone different to earn and keep his/her love ? If you are yourself will you be rejected ?

A relationship where there is mutual passion, friendship, respect, acceptance and trust has the potential to develop into a mutually satisfying and intimate partnership.

To make a choice, you need information. You need Time for Talking Together Thoroughly, Time to get to know your partner. Talk about:

your families - your parents' marriage, your backgrounds, what your childhood was like. Share the similarities and the differences;

your religious and other beliefs;

your attitudes to marriage, money, having children, sex, etc.,

your moods and behaviour patterns.

Are you very similar or different ? Are you compatible or complimentary ? With knowledge and information you can make a choice. To help make this choice, project yourself into the future. Imagine living with this person - how do you imagine you will react to every day events? What will each of you do or be like ? How will your choice affect other people in your life ? Are you looking for a superman/woman who will meet all your needs ? Be realistic, not idealistic.

Think about your choice carefully. Breaking up a marriage or relationship is painful and destructive for both of you. There are professional counsellors who will help you to look at this difficult issue from a number of perspectives. FAMSA uses both structural and non-structural methods for pre-marital counselling.

Marriage preparation is a significant step after choosing a partner. Our counsellors will further help you through this process. You can choose between structured and non-structured methods of marriage preparation.